Wednesday, February 11, 2015

What I take to school

The other week I was at Leslie's, and at some point I was searching for something in my purse.  Searching became "frantically pawing through everything and eventually dumping everything out to finally find the damn thing already" and at some point I heard Leslie say, "Oh, whoa. Yeah ok.  That's enough turquoise." I barely heard her above the roaring tidal wave of profanities coursing through my mental stream of consciousness as I searched for I don't even know what, but at some point I did pause and ask, "Huh? what do you mean?"

"When I bought you that new teal pouch for Christmas, I had totally forgotten that you already had a bigger one."

"Yeah? So? I use them both.  One has my big wallet, little wallet, lipstick wallet [I have a wallet for my lipsticks--it has cats on it], and cell phone. And the other one holds everything else EXCEPT FOR MY FREAKIN [insert forgotten item here] BECAUSE CLEARLY I CAN'T FIND IT--oh, here it is."

The funny thing is, I had a brown purse with me that day.  What Leslie didn't see was that the tote I use for school (minus a purse--how many freakin bags can two shoulders carry for a lousy part time job?) is the same color as the redundant pouches ... and all the stuff IN said tote and pouches.

I found the tote at TJMaxx last summer.  I agonized over it a little--it wasn't cheap, but the color makes me soooo happy and the construction is beautiful.  I know most people would consider this a "spring/summer item" but I knew when I bought it that it would be a year round item.

The light blue pouch is from West Elm last summer; Leslie just gave me the dark blue pouch for Christmas; the folder is a cheapy from Staples.  But wait--I mean, come on: what would've been the point of forcing myself to buy the folder in another color?  I didn't want green, or pink, or orange. I wanted turquoise and they had it. Hold on--it gets worse.

My mom gave me the planner for my birthday--the illustrations inside are really beautiful.  I don't like the calendar on my phone--it's just annoying.  Maybe I'll cave one day, but not yet.  Also you can see the lining of the tote here--I wish it didn't look like a circus tent.  I wish it was a light grey leopard print or paisley or something. But oh well.  Nobody notices it anyway.

You're not helping, Penny.

I forced myself to pick out the GREY Otterbox that happened to have some turquoise on it a few years ago rather than the other way around. (Yes, laugh at me for my iPhone 4--not 4s--and my clunky Otterbox.  You know how many times a week I drop that sucker on the floor?  Worth every dime.)  The pill box (for Advil and assorted other stuff) is from a store where I used to work in college; who wants red Altoids when they can have blue?; the Tiffany pen was a gift from my in-laws when I finished my PhD.  When random people ask, "Hey, who has a pen?" I never volunteer it.  They can wait for someone else to find a Bic.  There have been one or two times that I've let a student sign the attendance sheet with it, but the whole time they sign I bark at them, "I BETTER GET THAT PEN BACK."

Is this an illness or something?  But then again, why would I buy stuff in a color I don't love?  Ugh, and the worst is when--without thinking--I wear a turquoise scarf or tights or whatever and then go marching around with all this stuff. When I catch myself in those moments (when it's too late to do anything about it) I think to myself, "Oh Jesus, I look like one of those loony liberal arts professors who writes papers on the historical metaphysical gobbledygook of blah blah blah and yadda yadda ... oh wait: Yeah."

oops.

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